False Hopes

I used to think life was a fairy tale
and this was all a dream
that I live in a happily ever after
and that all my wishes would come true
then I woke up to reality
Seeing the truth behind the inner lies
When all they did was hide by my deeper tries
Now im stuck
in this constant thought process
in which my heart just wont digest
in the simple truth

What My Future Holds

I am starting to miss home
Not this sad place that is easily shown
From on to lights out
My heart is just now starting to shout
Im not going to shake
Maybe I should just wait
to leave this place
I refuse to just be stuck here in this empty hollow case
So I will find every way to escape

I choose the military as a path
Seeming as simple as basic math
mainly because it runs in my family
to serve or get a degree
so its just meant to be
im going to assume
or maybe my fate is just doomed
I want so much for my future
and its just hard to decide when my time will presume

Now i just sit here and wait
And hopefully my future will turn out great
Because what happens happens
No matter how much i could be lacking
I know i have to come out on top
Instead of being on a rushed and coming past a stop

Thoughts of Last Night

Today I woke up in a great mood
just because of the thoughts of you
It really didn't take much though
Just a memory of what happened
Could change my day so fast
Not like the girl I had last
Who tried to break me
with just a touch of glass
But she couldn't
because my heart wasn't meant for her
It was meant for you
and with no such luck
I am stuck
But the best part about it is that im actually happy
Which I haven't been since you know when
I shall not say now because I don't want to bring up the past
and make you mad
when I have you at a great spot
just damn my heart has been shot
by you
the love of my life
the only one I am so vulnerable with
so im just going to sit here and be happy
because I know you are feeling it too
I love you
because you are my one dream
that actually came true

Just Be Mine Already

sooo guys I had my girlfriend come over omg I haven't seen her in a long time so I was pretty excited and so was she because yesterday we go um extremely into a certain type of talk. so yeah we were all just chilling in the living room and my sister was just there on her phone and then I told her to go upstairs and yeah,... after that we just put music on I laid on her stomach and we just talked . That really is how you have a perfect night plus we want to move in together after I get back from basics and it just felt so real like she really is so special to me and like I have been in love with her for almost 6 years gosh but that was my night I am feeling amazing right now just so you know. if you read the tags for this a lot happened that I just didn't type haha

Lets Have A Cup of Tea

So today I have a FBLA meeting if you don't know what FBLA stands for its for Future Business Leaders of America. My life right there. Anyways im just waiting here until it starts and on my wait I have ran passes for the counselors and the ones that work in the main office and then I spent some time with one of my favorite teachers. and I enjoy the time I had. She started talking about her lazar eye surgery and that pain compared to her tattoo that's on her foot. and she literally told me a whole story about how after she had her eye surgery she was still moved by it 2 weeks later and after she was still sensitive to light and she had to go to Ohio to visit her son and how her husband left early for work so she had to drive back by herself and her car broke down and she was blind and was crying because she couldn't see and it was hot I was just laughing the whole time then she started talking about how when she got to a motel she called her husband and he had a pool tournament so he couldn't go get her because she was about an hour away from her home. then she made me a cup of tea and it was lovely because she knows I love tea and I think the next gift I will buy her is more tea

Wish Me Luck

Last night was rough but today will be better I get to see two of my favorite friends from school which is great because I haven't seen them since last year track season and today is out meeting which is great but I have to miss my ecology meeting but I already know what it will be about so wish me luck

You Are My Paramour

Its so weird knowing that you could leave and I could feel like im happy and moved on until I start to think about my happiest moments and every one of them involved you and im not the one to complain, I just missed you. I had too many people on my plate and it got me thinking... I cant walk this walk without you. You are my best friend you have been with me when everyone left and yea you might say your leaving but you always find your way back home to me shortly after. I told you the truth and told you all the things I have been going through. You were shocked. you said I didn't show it at all. My reply was that I know how to put a smile on my face and pretend to be happy and lie to myself so I wouldn't cry myself to sleep every night because I could only think negative about myself. You know my demons you know what I am capable of. So you weren't shocked when I told you this. It felt so amazing just telling you all of this because I was holding it in for so long. and after I told you all of this the unnecessary people in my life started to fade away. I told all my friends that I am done with all the going back and forth and I am focusing on you.

The True Meaning of Me

You asked who I was and what I do
but only a few of you know what's real and what's true
I was born the middle child of three
And by that you could think the luck was meant to be
But it wasn't
I was number two
With not much to do
Mainly because my parents were separated
and my mom married a man who was a pastor to be
Which is not a simple cup of tea
Having a parent with grip that was so tight
when you are forced to live in a spot light
with the title of one of the holy children
And with that, every inch of my personality became hidden

Do You Care.

Where does your loyalty lie. When your mother is about to die. A family should stick together even when all hope dies we should work together and forever be on one cord when all strings seemed tied.. We need to work together to help her get better, instead of you walking away and treating this situation lightly. Instead of spending every last minute she has with you. she is spending it alone with the thought of her daughter is praying for her death. How does that make you look. Your own mother cant depend on you when she is down and cant get up. Where is the love at in the family. We are taking care of her and she is getting better. No one has to worry. We stay up late at night to pray for her but I know she can tell that her illness is wearing us down and she hates seeing us do all the work. Where is the faith, where is the loyalty. and where is your love.