Just Thinking

Birthday is now 6 days away and I am excited!! Tonight I am suppose to see Toni, But the weather is going to be bad I hear so you never know. I might have to wait till my birthday. I would be sad if I didn't see her because I can tell how we act when we don't see each other and its not good. We fight a lot when we go over a week without seeing each other. Before last year we barely saw each other and it wasn't a huge deal but then once we were able to actually see each other and hang out more we became more attached. I like it and I hate it all at the same time. Last night I was watching the Real World (Skeletons) and a girls ex came to the house and her boyfriend that's also apart of the cast was so jealous and I was just thinking about myself in that situation. I would most likely act the same way as he did.  That really just made me think about everything and my choices. When I was hung up on someone who couldn't love me how I wanted but I still wanted the person (Tiffany) and she tired to make me pick her or Toni. I told her not to do that with me and she pushed it and in the end I picked Toni. I trust her and she is my best friend. and I see something that last for a long time rather than someone who would only last a month because I or she gets bored. Sex can only go so far. just saying. But I know I need Toni in my life. She has done so much for me on a mental level that no one else can even do. she knows every part of me that I cant just open up and talk about. But I was sad about Tiffany wanting nothing to do with me because I did care for her. I just will put Toni before anyone. Its always been like that and I will never beg anyone to stay if they want to go, I would open the door wide. Unless its Toni the boor is glued shut and locked and I lost the key 6 years ago . She trapped and stuck with me. Dating or not she is still my best friend.