The One That I Cant Let Go

Alright readers just in case you didn't know i am with a girl whose name is Toni and me and Tiffany are no more. To be honest we ended things on a bad note, which is me saying she was being childish and couldnt do the mature thing. But that's another story. Anyways, i am with Toni. If you dont know me you should know that i have been heads over heals in love with Toni for almost 5 years now. i met her almost 6 years ago. she was straight then and we started off as friends and then we became closer with time of course like i was calling her my sister because we talked everyday and after like 8 months i realized that i had a bit of a crush on her, i was scared to tell her though because i knew i was like deep in the friend zone so i was just like yeah um fuck it and i didnt say anything for like 3 months and i guess i couldnt hold it in anymore so being me i cant tell anyone how i feel i usually have to write it. Even in person if i have something on my chest i will easily pull my phone out easily and text you how i feel. So i wrote her a poem and told her that way saying how i felt then she said she loved the poem, i didnt think she knew what i was saying so i explained it to her and she said she liked me the same way and i thought she was lying when she told me that she liked me too. I actually said no you dont i like you like i want to be with you type like and you like me as a fish or dog haha but guess what she wasnt lying she liked my ass. but we stayed friends after that and when we got together it was cool i asked her to go to this football game because i knew that my ex was going to be there and i still had some kinda feeling for her and she knew that but she was scared that my ex would beat her up or some so she said she wanted to stay out of drama so she didnt go and i ended up basically cheating because my ex kissed me and i didnt push her away so thats basically cheating because if someone gave me that story i would have said they cheated on me i dont give a fuck if they kissed back or not their asses should have pushed them off of them. So i got home and called Toni and told her exactly what happened she took it um not how i expected she was like speechless. i wanted to cry because i told her i was different and wouldnt hurt her. i lied. I was still a friend and i told her that she needed better so i dumped her because i knew that she wouldnt dump me. i wanted her to have the best and at that time i wasnt it. so we stopped talking for like two weeks and i missed her so we started back talking and she didnt trust me, i hated that so i told her i wouldnt do it again.  To this day she is the main girl i have 100% faithful to mentally and emotionally oh and physically haha i wouldnt risk fucking with her trust and we have broken up many times because of personal reasons but nothing serious. we never really fought like wanted to kill each other type of fighting we just know we dont have to rush anything because i know for a fact that at the end of the day when everyone leaves me she will always be there for me and when im hurt she is the one i go to if i need to smile. So that was the story of me and my first love (my girlfriend) and im not even going to say that we are just perfect because we aren't ha i could wish and we both have changed and grew up a lot we just i don't know grown to love each other more no matter what.