Letter to MJC

To be honest you were my first one I was with. But the funny thing is that you did me so petty when we were in public but yet I still treated you amazing. I don't know what kind of weird shit you were on because you were with me at school then you went to church and was with a guy and when you were with your friends who you lived by you were with another girl. At the time I didn't know and that was the only reason why I actually cared about you. I actually wanted to tell you that you were just a fake asshole who just wanted people to like you. So when a lot of people got confused when you had your first kid and you got lonely and we would talk and you would talk to me while he woke up late at night when everyone was sleep and telling me how you wanted our friend to last, but then when someone who asked if we dated you would lie and say we were nothing just because when you wanted me back I told you that you weren't my type because you looked like a dude and you were different and that was after you told me about the dream house we made up in grade school. I truly believe I would have been better off if we would have just stayed friends and no feelings were involved.
  What I learned from you is to never go with anyone who acts like you aren't important and lies about what you have with me. Are we friends now? Fuck no. I don't even try to communicate with you or even think about it. And you cheated on me so I dont really fully trust anyone who fucked me up like you did. Oh yeah but thank you though, if it wasn't for me being so weak after we stopped talking I would have never gotten as close to TLD as I did and now im on cloud 9.

Letters (Pilot)

Alright guys i'm here to begin my letters series. These are letters basically to my ex's and to all of you that don't personally know me and the ones I have been with well now you will know. This is basically saying what I got out of being with them and what I have learned looking back on it all. My fiancé knows i'm not like her and hate the people I have been with. I actually had to talk to her and get her point of view of why she dated the guys she dated and the relationship. It was a bit of a confusion going into it and learning that not everyone looked at relationships like I do or did. To me I thought you would get to know the person as you were together with them to actually see if you could make it you know. I always built a great friendship with my ex's while I was with them, but that isn't how everyone works I see. Here I go with my letters and my ex's might read these I know about 3 of them could. So read with an open heart that I am different when it comes down to relationships.

Quotes That Speak Truth

Hey guys,  sorry I haven't been blogging lately.  I moved out with no internet and my data has been out of wack.  But today I am moving my fiancé's brothers stuff around.  I learned in the time I have been with her that the saying "once you marry them, you marry their family too" I actually see that and it's interesting at times and yet hard at others.  I like it because they are so sweet and nice and actually really helpful.  And I see how she acts like them and where she comes from but at times I have to learn my place and know when to shut my mouth.  Basically what I'm saying is that with a serious relationship that is leading to marriage.  Thats all I have to say for today.  Next time I will be writing a little series, well letters basically that gave the same topics.  Have a great day guys.

Let The Love Be

you made your way into my heart
and now I cant seem to get my mind off of you
every inch
I love you and I don't know how many times I have to tell you for you to see it
Just the other day after the love ended
I seen a tear fall from your eyes
and all I could do was rush up just to get a grip around you

Sit back and lay upon me
Just lean on my chest and let the love be
Let me just hold on to you
So I can get a good view
of what love really feels like
Because I just learned its not as easy as riding a bike

The time we shared each others bodies
Was the time that I knew I could no longer do this alone
You are the one that makes my heart stop and pause
Just to get a quick glance at what I have
And within the times where we are alone I can see the purest love

You gave me your heart as a token of peace
Even though our love travels all over to the West and the far East
Now in getting to the point in my life where i know im not going anywhere
Through thick and through thin
No matter what i am going to travel the distance just to feel your love
So let my love in and let it be

Tired of Being Fucked Over

Who are you really fucking over.

The ones who took you in when you had nothing 

And wanted you out but didnt because they had open hearts to you 

So you fuck them over buy taking money that they were saving to get away 

Away from the bullshit that you call home 

You taking away from the broke already is just sad

Only on your part. 

You arent a real man,
Not even near it.

You claim you got it all and the baddest chick

But dude, Your chick left you 

Yeah she might come back but who knows 

She might find someone who can actually pay her phone bill 

And feed her and can make a meal for her to eat 

Instead of depending on her friends 

You would take from the ones trying to better their lives 

So who is really fucked up here?

The little boy trying to rob his way to the top

Thinking he is a man if he has money in his pocket 

Thinking money and sex is the way to happiness.

But watch. 

When you see that you have nothing and become alone within the world you call home

You will see that you have nothing not even your pride.

Updates For My Last Day

Update on today
Well today is my last day of school and I am so fucking happy
Like I am going to miss being busy all day but I will be working so I wont miss being around mfs I cant stand. But I will miss track most of all and all my team mates. I didn't really like anyone in my graduating class I was always cool with upper classman I think I have like 2 people in my class that I might hang with after. But I am just ready to get out and do something with my life to be honest. My aunt died on Monday. and I found out her funeral is the day of my graduation. so that is a bit depressing I move out on Saturday but that's about it

Happy Mothers Day

The woman that has always given up so much for me
Even when I know I was the one that was meant to be
The times I had no idea of the struggle
If i were cold she would huddle us up in a bundle
and tell us a story to distract us from what was going on around us
She is my protector
and my biggest hero
You might not think of all the good that you do
But you have made me into a strong young woman
This isnt a poem
And im really not even going to try to rhyme
But i just wanted to let you know that i will forever and always be you baby girl

I am giving you this book mainly because i have grown up on this book and by this i have learned that yes i will struggle and yes i might go to a dark place in life. But thats life and everyone goes through it and have all types of different stories. Im just lucky to have some form of support system and i am smart and i will go go school. Its in my blood. And im all about being happy and creating my own destiny. And yeah im not like my sisters and live on the safe side always but the generation i grew up on slogans saying, "Dare to be different" "Just do it" "Make the most of now" "Nothing is Impossible". You always told me you see me do good in the future and my dreams havent changed. I am determined and if i want something i will go and get it. But i grew up with this book and i was always told that i would do great things. I love you And i will always love you.

A Catch Up Of My Life

Well Its may and its almost a month left before I move out so I am thinking on the 13th I will be fully packed in may but my parents seem to want me out more and more each day because they say I look miserable there and I was talking to Toni and she was telling me how since she is living there alone she now sees all the things that she loved in her dads house. And all the things she missed. She said she had it quite easy. Loved how her dad would clean her car off when it snowed and how he would clean the kitchen and do her laundry and now I have to talk her through the whole process of how to do it. And I just realized that she is good with the real world type labor deals and I am good with house hold and school things because that was how I was raised stayed home and cleaned then read a lot on my free time. when she is good at handling people with money and all of that so we complete each other. So on Easter break I was with her about every day for the time I had off and Wednesday we had a date day and we just went to the house and cleaned everything then got comfortable and cuddled... lol yeah cuddled. then after we went out to get pizza. I paid. and went back to the house to eat and then went home. I just wanted a night of peace with only her and she seemed to enjoy it because we needed alone time to just talk and chill. then Thursday I went to the gym and me and my sister were together, she wanted to see the house so I messaged toni to find out if she was home or not and she said she was. Funny thing is that when I pulled up to the house my fucking ex gf (Momo) was with 2 girls Carlie and Karlie. Both of the other two girls were actually friends of Toni's so I was like woah that's funny. so I was on the other side of the parking lot and I waited for them to drive off before getting out the car because if Momo saw me she would have wanted to catch up which I didn't have time for and Toni hates me talking to her ( long story) But that's one ex that is just like I can be cool with .. with distance involved haha. so they left and I walk inside and I see that her mom is sitting down and I greet her and she was nice but Toni looked annoyed by her I don't know why but I wasn't going to question it. My sister got a look around the house and she said she liked it so I was happy, then her brother Mike came in and he seen their mom and he walked away, her mom started crying and I was just like alright babe I will call you later because I can tell she wanted to cry or something and her mom just flipped so I gave her mom a hug and kissed Toni goodbye then I was kinda just sad knowing her family history and all that's going on so I left it at that and texted her asking if she was hungry so I could go buy her some so she would be happy again. Friday she worked and I had a track meet but it got cancelled because of the weather so I was free and my parents were gone all day and night so after she got off work she came over my house because I told her I had a box that was ready to go to the house because I just was cleaning and had a bunch of clothes I could put up because I barely wore them and she stayed awhile after that and we just cleaned together.... well I cleaned she sat there and talked to my sister and watched but she gave me a house key (BABY STEPS) later that night when she got home she was going through my bag (I told her it was okay) and I had to tell her that since we wear the same size basically I had a lot of sweat pants that were comfortable that she could wear and surly enough she took a shower and got in my sweat pants and one of my hoodies and was using all of my blankets. Just getting as much of me as possible. so I laughed at that. Saturday we both worked and we was going to go bowling but it was a long night and we were both in our feelings so we just stayed home and talked on the phone . sunday she came to my job and chilled there (she wore her glasses which I say that because I just found out she had them on Wednesday and I just thought she was so cute when she wore them so I figured that she only wore them because she knew I loved her in them) But I made her a lemonade, since it was a sunday and Easter it was a slow day so when I was free I would just go sit by her and talk and drink the lemonade because I knew she couldn't drink it alone. she never can finish her drinks sadly so we shared that. Out of nowhere this lady with long hair and a long skirt came in and started talking to Toni I was just like who tf lol but I seen her face and she was just chill so I went over there when the lady was ordering food and she said she didn't know the woman at all and that she was just a cool woman and then she came over and we all started talking they exchanged numbers and when I walked Toni out to her car she told me that the lady kept checking me out I laughed because I didn't notice but I was flattered that an older woman found me cute haha . Morgan messaged me and said she missed me being friends with her . I love her like I know we wont be together and I am so alright with that because I don't want her in that way anymore we are great friends tho and I was with her when she was going through a lot so we share that. But she knows Toni and I know her boyfriend because I went to school with him for a long time so we caught up with each others lives and that was about it and we are planning to hang out soon, she is happy that I am moving in with Toni then on Monday I had a track meet at Toni's old school so she came with her best friend and we all just hung out there and they watched me run. They were impressed. but that was about it and I am happy I got to spend time with her. So that's just a catch up on my life.

Come As You Are

Come as you are and love me just the way I am.
Please don't let this be a stage or a sham.
You hit me with your love and now You're the only thing that seems to come out this mouth of mine.
I'm proud of what I have and I don't plan on looking at a return policy because you are the best gift and you're a true dime.
You are sleep and I'm just here listening with a smile that is just glistening with a simple thought of us together.
You are truly my queen
Which my love deemed to be true.
I don't ask for much
Only a simple touch from those beautiful soft lips of yours that I just can't resist. 
I shower you with my love that hits you like a gentle mist.
So come as you are. And love me as I am.  Because without you I'm just damned

Moving Day Is Almost Here

So today me and Toni get the keys to the house we are renting and I talked to my parents about it and I now see that they wont be apart of my life after I leave since I will be with Toni; well any female they wouldn't be okay with. But actually hearing a parent saying that kind of stuff really tears you down and after hearing them say they love you. So I decided to just call Toni and tell her everything and how im happy that her parents are so supportive about all of it and I just im annoyed by my side and im happy about knowing that when I do marry toni that her parents will show up at the wedding and support us all the way.

Updates

Sorry everyone that I haven't been blogging lately I have just been busy with my birthday and track and my relationship.
 so where do I begin. I had my birthday and I didn't do much I went to practice that day then I came home had my sushi lunch date with my dad. Then later that evening I called Toni and said she can have me for the day. so we went to the movies and that was cool I enjoyed my birthday. But I got measured for the Navy shortly after and I made measurements. so I signed papers last Monday and I go to get my physical tomorrow which I am nervous for because im scared my butt got bigger ugh the struggle with having a booty...

So its the 3/24/2015
alright so I cant go into the military. because of my depression that I had years ago and that pretty much fucked up all chances that I had. im bummed out about it but I always keep a plan B so im going into massage therapy this fall im doing the paperwork  now so its really no big deal.

But today I am just happy with life. I am enjoying my girl and my family knows about her. she is suppose to look at houses today which is exciting, I opened up a new bank account at a new bank. I was cutting wood today and I forgot I was cutting maple wood. and the smell of syrup really fucks with my stomach so I puked

Just Thinking

Birthday is now 6 days away and I am excited!! Tonight I am suppose to see Toni, But the weather is going to be bad I hear so you never know. I might have to wait till my birthday. I would be sad if I didn't see her because I can tell how we act when we don't see each other and its not good. We fight a lot when we go over a week without seeing each other. Before last year we barely saw each other and it wasn't a huge deal but then once we were able to actually see each other and hang out more we became more attached. I like it and I hate it all at the same time. Last night I was watching the Real World (Skeletons) and a girls ex came to the house and her boyfriend that's also apart of the cast was so jealous and I was just thinking about myself in that situation. I would most likely act the same way as he did.  That really just made me think about everything and my choices. When I was hung up on someone who couldn't love me how I wanted but I still wanted the person (Tiffany) and she tired to make me pick her or Toni. I told her not to do that with me and she pushed it and in the end I picked Toni. I trust her and she is my best friend. and I see something that last for a long time rather than someone who would only last a month because I or she gets bored. Sex can only go so far. just saying. But I know I need Toni in my life. She has done so much for me on a mental level that no one else can even do. she knows every part of me that I cant just open up and talk about. But I was sad about Tiffany wanting nothing to do with me because I did care for her. I just will put Toni before anyone. Its always been like that and I will never beg anyone to stay if they want to go, I would open the door wide. Unless its Toni the boor is glued shut and locked and I lost the key 6 years ago . She trapped and stuck with me. Dating or not she is still my best friend.

Update On Me

Alright welcome to March! I have 7 more days till my birthday.
What are my plans? well at first I decided to go out to lunch with my girlfriend, my best friend and 3 other friends of mine. but Toni hates people. Like its cute sometimes but this time it was her being selfish. Like its not her birthday but she already to have an attitude. But she is so lucky because I would have dragged her ass with me if she liked it or not. At first it was going to be me toni. best friend her boyfriend, and Nessa and her boyfriend. Best friend and her boyfriend broke up and she is sad so I changed it to me and nat and maybe our friend Kat and we would go hang out and do something fun. Then me and Toni could have a separate day. that way everyone is happy and I wont here about anyone having a bad day. .

News if you guys were wondering about Tiffany we are still cool. Even after all that has happened she is living with her ex still and actually told me that she is planning to make him move out which seems hard for me knowing that there might be feelings still there but I am trying to ignore them and keep it on a friendship level only. so yeah

Track is back and I think I am still good. I am always one everyone comes to or is helping when getting people in the mood to run so that is also a plus. I love track and everything about it. But when I have negativity all around me that's when track wasn't so good for me. Which was last year. This year im trying to come in with a positive attitude towards it all. But im trying to make it more fun than last year. I love my friends but when they caused so much drama last season and are talking about coming back this year to help im just like no guys please stay away this season I am not ready for all the drama.

All in all I am just happy right now. My best friend is about to go off to college, and im so close with the military. Im just really want to get started with my future and I am excited for all of it including the failures because that's how you learn. well that's all im going to say for now have a good day loves

She Gave Me This

So Toni read the poems I wrote her this week and out of no where she told me she wanted to write me something and I didn't really take her serious because she used to always tell me she would write me something then she wouldn't show me so I didn't think much of it. But then she emailed me this poem which took her about 20mins to write and I loved it to be honest and I know how she feels because she wrote them down. I don't know maybe im just weird but here is the poem she wrote i hope you like it as much as i did.


It seems just like yesterday

when we started off as friends.

Not knowing what we would be

come. You gave me comfort and

love in the way no one else

could . As each day grew longer

and as the cold nights set in ,

I knew it wouldn't be long before

We would be together again .

 Now its six years later down

the road and i can call your

heart home . Together forever

and never apart as long as i

have you in my Heart.  I promise
to keep you there , forever

Implanted in my heart

Now that you have read the poem i can tell you that i just about cried because of this short poem. Only because i am an emotional person and because i wrote a poem a while ago saying how i just wanted someone to love me the way i loved them and saying make me your home. i never told her about that poem and she said it and i was just like wow. but she is the only female that has ever given me this type of love and i just feel like i finally have what i deserve and i treasure her beyond the limits that she expect. So there you go guys hope you enjoyed the post of the day.

Priorities

Loan me your heart
Confront my everlasting soul
Be mine on the endless chart
My heart is taking a toll
On the simple thoughts of you
and the little things you do
Don't worry about anyone else
When I think of you no one else matters
So let your thoughts be just
Let our love not shatter
Its us against the world yet again
So let us begin
You are my passion
My true obsession
The love that cant be written in the captions
When I always called you my discretion
I didn't choose this love this time
I was just lucky enough to find a true dime
There is no one that can come before you
You have been my always been number one on my list
This should tell you how my love is real and true
you are my favorite gift
stay with me
and let our love be

Wife To Be

I always wonder if you were meant to be
As a small boat trapped in the open sea
Seeing with the journey of love I am just a no one
But with you it was always a hit and run
With years in the hand
our love was written in the thick sand
You are consistent and you never fail
Now we are just waiting for you to wear your wedding veil
And for me to hear your final words, which will be the music to my ears
So sweet and lovely that my eyes will surely come to tears
If heaven could speak
They would tell her not to be so meek
She is a friend in deed
one in which I truly need

Weekly Post

well guys that last post was just depressing and I try not to be. But here is my day. Well yesterday I talked to Toni all night and she told me that my ex (The one that is constantly trying to be with me like every day, and was my only guy friend) is dating a girl. Her old best friends friend. and I was like oh wow that's funny. Because a few hours before she told me that he was on the phone with me so I just laughed and I don't want to bring it in the work place since I gave him a job with me. I just blocked him on everything and deleted his number. I hate liars. I didn't even care if he was with someone because I wasn't really into him I wanted him to be happy with a straight girl. but I don't believe he should be telling me things and buying me things when he has a girl. just wrong. but I am happy. I can finally just tell him to give up on me completely now and to stop cheating on his girlfriend . but im in a no labeled relationship I guess. I don't have a girlfriend. im talking to Toni and its like we are together but we are taking it slow since we know how we feel and we don't use titles much. But on Monday she came over again and we decided to wait to do anything "sexual wise" until the promise ring comes. Its been 6 years and we both have religious beliefs on the subject and last time after we had a talk and we felt bad because we said we would wait and we basically failed so yeah we are going to continue the wait. But May I am buying her a promise ring and im not the type to rush things because I usually get scared when it comes down to commitment and she does to and that's why we constantly do the no labeled thing but I know she is the only person I can be committed to without thinking about it. But other than her and Malcom (the ex who cheats on his girlfriend.. poor girl) I have been in track and thinking a lot about Military and how I really need to get on studying and I am not losing weight im gaining muscles and my bottom is getting bigger it seems like dieting seems like its doing nothing ugh but that's all about this week so far thanks for reading love you all

We Overcame It

I have came such a mighty long way from where I was 4 years ago well more like 3 years ago.
Mentally going back and forth with if I wanted to be here or not
deciding whether to choose the blade or the pill
when the touch of a blade just gave me a sudden chill
How can this be
when the life I wanted to take belonged to me
That when I tried, I just couldn't go through with it
and after I felt like shit
When it started with my parents not claiming me
after I told them that I wasn't into a he and it just happened to be a she
Religion played a huge role
That's when my life began to take a toll
when the ones who were suppose to love you
gave up and just wouldn't do
Talking down on me and my sins
I just never could understand how me loving someone
would send me to a place known as hell.
How I could have a relationship
with no sins involved until marriage
and serve him to the fullest
and still not gain their love
I was just that black dove to my parents
And that want started the blade
with all the scars that were hidden in the shade
when my heart would just concave
So I got into poetry to put my feelings down in fine print
I couldn't put down everything just a little bit
I guess that helped calm me down
Maybe it did adjust my frown
But I still didn't feel complete
I felt like I wouldn't be enough
The good grades the obedience just made it seem so tough
And that turned me into the one I am today
Scared that I wouldn't be good enough for anyone
Where my trust issues come to play
and its not just for a day
Im laughing now because it all calmed down in May
That's when I met her
when she took the blade out my hand
and buried it deep within the hollow sand
she throw away my pills
and told me how great I really was
But she had issues herself
She also had a blade and a disorder that could she held so close
when I was one of the only ones she trusted
when she heart and body were under construction
She told me to stop and I said the same
and we didn't really know who was to blame
Growing up together we knew each other to that level
In a way she knew what she had to do
We made a promise to quite together
Yeah we had our slips but it was still enough to try to quit
Now she is the reason why the blade stops

I actually didn't try to type this as a poem or anything I just broke my thoughts up and it came out and I just let it go on so this is what you got. I just wanted it to be a entry on my thought process and I just let it flow. but thank you for reading this

What Do You Want This Time

When its good then we are fine
But when things go wrong its like we are slowly dying
We seem to not be a we anymore
Just because you wanted to walk out the door
This is becoming a ritual
And now its like casual
For you to run and for me to chase you
Have you thought about me ever getting tired
and not wanting to run anymore
Because when you run its just a little part of me that begins to get destroyed
Just stop
Tell me what you want
And I will try to do my best to give you what you want
I hate the felling of me walking on eggshells to make you happy
when this relationship if falling apart day by day
now tell me what you will say.

More Holidays to Come

31 more days or 1 month 4 days until my birthday. I am so excited I don't think you know. I have 3 reasons why I am excited for this. not only am I going to be older I get to have my best friend with me the whole day. and also I can have my girlfriend well not girlfriend my no labeled friend with me and then I get my tattoo. I have no idea what they are planning for me they are the two top people in my life but I don't know if they are going to come together on this one or if they are both doing something separately. hmm I don't know. but anyways moving on. Valentines day is coming up! what are your plans? well I work and so does the girl I want to spend it with. so yeah no fun there. But I did buy her something. If you follow the blog you should know that Toni is my no labeled friend. but since May is our 6th year I couldn't buy her a ring or anything because im buying that in may. but She asked for something cheesy and cute from me way before February even came so that was pressure for me. but I finally came up with something.  I designed a sweatshirt. At first it was a hoodie but I confirmed it with her best friend and she said she looks better with sweatshirts so there ya go I went with that. so I made her a crew neck and its our favorite color (blue) with our saying on the front (That Banana Bread Though) **If you follow me on tumblr or twitter you would have seen that its my name** then on the back it says TD & KJ May Made. ( the font is this very nice fancy print and the color of the letters are my second favorite color and the color of Bananas so yellow) then in black on the top of both sleeves are the numbers 12 on one and 13 on the other because that's how old we were when we met. and BAM there you go, a gift. it took me about 3 months to figure out a great gift. then I thought about her saying she wants matching sweatshirts and when I was doing this I was just thinking man we can be original and make our own now. but that's what I did and I cant keep secrets so she knows what she is getting and she is extremely excited, then a week and a half after Valentines day its her birthday... yup just back to back smh I need to to go bed tho ha night loves

http://www.spreadshirt.com/-C59/product/1004601323

False Hopes

I used to think life was a fairy tale
and this was all a dream
that I live in a happily ever after
and that all my wishes would come true
then I woke up to reality
Seeing the truth behind the inner lies
When all they did was hide by my deeper tries
Now im stuck
in this constant thought process
in which my heart just wont digest
in the simple truth

What My Future Holds

I am starting to miss home
Not this sad place that is easily shown
From on to lights out
My heart is just now starting to shout
Im not going to shake
Maybe I should just wait
to leave this place
I refuse to just be stuck here in this empty hollow case
So I will find every way to escape

I choose the military as a path
Seeming as simple as basic math
mainly because it runs in my family
to serve or get a degree
so its just meant to be
im going to assume
or maybe my fate is just doomed
I want so much for my future
and its just hard to decide when my time will presume

Now i just sit here and wait
And hopefully my future will turn out great
Because what happens happens
No matter how much i could be lacking
I know i have to come out on top
Instead of being on a rushed and coming past a stop

Thoughts of Last Night

Today I woke up in a great mood
just because of the thoughts of you
It really didn't take much though
Just a memory of what happened
Could change my day so fast
Not like the girl I had last
Who tried to break me
with just a touch of glass
But she couldn't
because my heart wasn't meant for her
It was meant for you
and with no such luck
I am stuck
But the best part about it is that im actually happy
Which I haven't been since you know when
I shall not say now because I don't want to bring up the past
and make you mad
when I have you at a great spot
just damn my heart has been shot
by you
the love of my life
the only one I am so vulnerable with
so im just going to sit here and be happy
because I know you are feeling it too
I love you
because you are my one dream
that actually came true

Just Be Mine Already

sooo guys I had my girlfriend come over omg I haven't seen her in a long time so I was pretty excited and so was she because yesterday we go um extremely into a certain type of talk. so yeah we were all just chilling in the living room and my sister was just there on her phone and then I told her to go upstairs and yeah,... after that we just put music on I laid on her stomach and we just talked . That really is how you have a perfect night plus we want to move in together after I get back from basics and it just felt so real like she really is so special to me and like I have been in love with her for almost 6 years gosh but that was my night I am feeling amazing right now just so you know. if you read the tags for this a lot happened that I just didn't type haha

Lets Have A Cup of Tea

So today I have a FBLA meeting if you don't know what FBLA stands for its for Future Business Leaders of America. My life right there. Anyways im just waiting here until it starts and on my wait I have ran passes for the counselors and the ones that work in the main office and then I spent some time with one of my favorite teachers. and I enjoy the time I had. She started talking about her lazar eye surgery and that pain compared to her tattoo that's on her foot. and she literally told me a whole story about how after she had her eye surgery she was still moved by it 2 weeks later and after she was still sensitive to light and she had to go to Ohio to visit her son and how her husband left early for work so she had to drive back by herself and her car broke down and she was blind and was crying because she couldn't see and it was hot I was just laughing the whole time then she started talking about how when she got to a motel she called her husband and he had a pool tournament so he couldn't go get her because she was about an hour away from her home. then she made me a cup of tea and it was lovely because she knows I love tea and I think the next gift I will buy her is more tea

Wish Me Luck

Last night was rough but today will be better I get to see two of my favorite friends from school which is great because I haven't seen them since last year track season and today is out meeting which is great but I have to miss my ecology meeting but I already know what it will be about so wish me luck

You Are My Paramour

Its so weird knowing that you could leave and I could feel like im happy and moved on until I start to think about my happiest moments and every one of them involved you and im not the one to complain, I just missed you. I had too many people on my plate and it got me thinking... I cant walk this walk without you. You are my best friend you have been with me when everyone left and yea you might say your leaving but you always find your way back home to me shortly after. I told you the truth and told you all the things I have been going through. You were shocked. you said I didn't show it at all. My reply was that I know how to put a smile on my face and pretend to be happy and lie to myself so I wouldn't cry myself to sleep every night because I could only think negative about myself. You know my demons you know what I am capable of. So you weren't shocked when I told you this. It felt so amazing just telling you all of this because I was holding it in for so long. and after I told you all of this the unnecessary people in my life started to fade away. I told all my friends that I am done with all the going back and forth and I am focusing on you.

The True Meaning of Me

You asked who I was and what I do
but only a few of you know what's real and what's true
I was born the middle child of three
And by that you could think the luck was meant to be
But it wasn't
I was number two
With not much to do
Mainly because my parents were separated
and my mom married a man who was a pastor to be
Which is not a simple cup of tea
Having a parent with grip that was so tight
when you are forced to live in a spot light
with the title of one of the holy children
And with that, every inch of my personality became hidden

Do You Care.

Where does your loyalty lie. When your mother is about to die. A family should stick together even when all hope dies we should work together and forever be on one cord when all strings seemed tied.. We need to work together to help her get better, instead of you walking away and treating this situation lightly. Instead of spending every last minute she has with you. she is spending it alone with the thought of her daughter is praying for her death. How does that make you look. Your own mother cant depend on you when she is down and cant get up. Where is the love at in the family. We are taking care of her and she is getting better. No one has to worry. We stay up late at night to pray for her but I know she can tell that her illness is wearing us down and she hates seeing us do all the work. Where is the faith, where is the loyalty. and where is your love.